Seven Deadly Sins: Vegas Edition

We're home now, the trip back was completely uneventful. Overall, we had a great time, although for me I think a two-night trip will be optimal in the future. My birthday feels properly and fully celebrated. Even somewhat over-celebrated, but that was the whole point of this adventure!

Some final thoughts...with Vegas being "Sin City" and all, were curious to know if we hit all seven of the deadly ones. So, here is our final tally:

Greed -- This one is the Las Vegas standard. The city would not be there without it. We gambled (nothing stronger than $2 bet video blackjack, although one time I hit the wrong button and bet $20 on a single hand..fortunately I won the hand and doubled my money). I kept trying to win a convertible via the slot machines, too. Overall, I think I walked away from the whole trip just about even (except for no convertible)!
Gluttony -- Another Las Vegas standard. All those buffet specials appeal to it. We stayed away from the buffets, but we certainly didn't stay away from wonderful meals and lots of cocktails. For us, the whole purpose of playing slots was to get the free drinks from the casino.
Lust -- The third in the Vegas Big Three. You can't turn around without seeing a sign for some exotic review. It's funny that it's called "exotic," because everyone has a body. You'd think with an "exotic" review you'd see aliens from Area 51 or something like that. (Oh wait, that's Blue Man Group!) Anyway, our little trip to Olympic Gardens covered this one.
Sloth -- Any vacation destination that doesn't involve climbing mountains or otherwise combatting nature is pretty high up on the sloth list. But laying around in bed drinking mimosas until 3pm or so definitely ranks up there as Sin City achievement.
Envy -- It's interesting that envy is on the list, because it's kind of a combination of greed, gluttony, and lust. However did the theologians come up with the seven deadly sins? Anyway, there is so much shopping in Vegas, I'm sure a lot of it is powered by greed, gluttony, and lust, but perhas some comes from envy -- or wanting to induce it. Take my new shoes...and they're green with envy.
Anger -- Now we're getting into the more picky/tricky of the sins, in Vegas achievement terms. The only time I got angry in Vegas was being stuck in traffic on the Strip trying to return the rental car. I guess anger is one of the lesser of the Vegas sins. I suppose people could pick bar fights to get their anger on.
Pride -- Writing a blog is pretty much an exercise in pride. We hope you've enjoyed it!

The Road To Mandalay (Monday Night)

According to several travel information sources, the Palms is the hip hot trendy hotel in Las Vegas. I was prepared to see a slew of fashionably dressed 20-somethings gamboling and gambling, and was paranoid that I didn't have a cool enough outfit to wear to dinner at their French restaurant, Alize.

Imagine my disappointment when I realized the Palms was full of the same sneaker-wearing, t-shirt sporting, about-to-wash-the-car attired usual Las Vegas suspects that I'd been observing all weekend. Don't people care how they look in public any more, or is comfort so paramount that no one can wear anything at all spiffy? Granted, it was a Monday night, but still, a hotspot is a hotspot but this spot was not particularly hot. The casino decor was interesting. It was trying to be modern and clean-lined but it came off more like Ikea meets Michael Graves doing Disney (and he did) meets brand-new airport terminal meets food court. They could take out the slot machines, put in bookshelves, and have a very nice modern library. We wandered around a bit and played some slots before dinner, and then went to the restaurant.

Fortunately the restaurant was completely fabulous. There was a three-sided view of Las Vegas (tables for four get seated on the Strip side, tables for two along the other edges that have partial Strip views), and it was just sunset and moonrise so the scenery was stunning. The color scheme was wines and golds, with cushy velvet chairs at the tables. We started with champagne, and had an amuse-bouche of venison carpaccio. Susie had lobster bisque for a starter, and I had seared foie gras with a cranberry chutney. A palate cleanser of passion fruit sorbet followed. For the main course, I had rack of lamb in a cashew-truffle crust, and Susie had ribeye steak with some incredible potato-wild mushroom-sweetbreads side dish that looked like a beef bone full of marrow. We wound things up with chocolate souffle and a warm flourless chocolate cake with fresh raspberries. The food was absolutely wonderful.

From there we headed to the Rio to see Penn & Teller. They started the show by demonstrating one way how the old "saw the lady in pieces and move the bits around" trick works. There was also juggling of dangerous broken bottles, fire eating, and a bear trap. Susie loved it and afterwards insisted we get our picture taken with Penn Gillette.

We played some more slots, and then went over to check out the Mandalay Bay. Now that is one gorgeous hotel, with nattily-dressed people to boot. Unfortunately, there was some packaging container convention being hosted there, and so hoardes of drunken salesmen in nice suits were wandering around in packs. It really put me out, I guess I'm still traumatized from visiting the Olympic Gardens the night before. If and when I come back to Vegas, I'd really like to stay at the Mandalay Bay. I do have to wonder about the name of the hotel, though. Mandalay is a city in Burma, way up the Ayeyarwaddy River. Like Las Vegas, there's no ocean or bay anywhere near it.

After that we walked back to the Luxor, and I played video blackjack for a while. I'm just too cheap to play at the actual tables -- the minimum bets were $10, and I just can't see throwing that kind of money down. Ironically, at one point I hit the wrong button on the video blackjack machine, and ended up betting $20 on a single hand. I held my breath and crossed my fingers, and managed to win the hand. I ended the evening $10 ahead of where I started, plus we each drank a couple of complimentary Midori sours, so it all worked out well in the end.

Party at the Palms

I've just discovered the most hilarious "judge show": Divorce Court. Oh the drama. It's especially funny after a brunch of mimosas and croissants. We're off to the Palms for dinner, and then will head over to the Rio for Penn & Teller. Susie reports that when she was in high school she once saw Penn naked, it was on the old Alex Bennett radio show back when it was in San Francisco (they had studio audiences back then). I'm hoping Penn will stay clothed tonight. I've had enough of strange men in varying stages of undress in show lounges.

Sleep is NOT Overrated

Whew, it's Monday now and I'm finally catching up on sleep and on the blog.

Today is Laura's official birthday, and we celebrated by sleeping in. Laura drank too much coffee too late on Sunday night, and so didn't even get to sleep until after 4:30 in the morning. Blogging + Olympic Snowboarding is just too exciting to watch if one is trying to fall asleep!!

Susie woke up in the middle of the night and slunk out of the room to get a bucket full of ice, and when Laura woke up there was a chilled bottle of prosecco (Italian sparkling wine) waiting for her! We ordered up some fresh-squeezed OJ and lounged around drinking mimosas.

What Happens in Vegas, Goes on the Internet (Sunday Night)

We cabbed over to the Venetian for the Blue Man Group show. Neither of us had any idea what to expect, and so we settled down with a house cocktail (we love that the production show theaters serve drinks) to await our fate. The Blue Man Group show was colorful, musical, and used a lot of recycled paper. I don't want to give it away, but if you're a techno-geek with an appreciation for the absurd (including the KLF), then go for it. Just don't sit in the first five or so rows unless you enjoy wearing protective rain gear at entertainment extravaganzas.

From there we went to Canaletto, an Italian restaurant on the Venetian's Grand Canal. This whole "Canal Shoppes" thing is ridiculous (in a good Las Vegas way). A very Disney-like rendering of Venice's Grand Canal is surrounded by fabu-shopping like BCBG Max Azria and St. John (known for making Angelina's maternity wear). I impulse-shopped at Jimmy Choo and got an adorable pair of teal suede flats for half price. Anyway, dinner was wonderful; we had some grilled pears with proscuitto and ricotta salata, a salad, shrimp risotto, and roasted chicken. Canaletto was the same price as Wolfgang Puck's Bar and Grill, and the food was about 8 times nicer.

While waiting in the Taxi queue a the Venetian, I observed that Las Vegas is like Disneyland for adults, and the taxis are like the ride buggies that take you through the Haunted Mansion or whatever. Susie noted that Las Vegas as we know it wouldn't function without taxis. We headed down to the Olympic Gardens, and equal-opportunity "exotic dancing" club. Now, this is not my thing. Susie wanted to go since it was my birthday, and I was willing to play along to some extent. The drinks were weak (two expensive drink minimum), but the guys were reasonably cute and were all in really good shape. One guy, though, had pretty bad stubble on his chest and I considered tipping him some extra so he could go get a fresh wax job. The whole thing just made me want to go home, male exotic dancers grooving to cheesy music just isn't my thing.

The valet at the Olympic Gardens hailed us a cab, and we made our way back to the Luxor. Our cabbie stopped along the way to pick up a Lady of the Evening. He actually yelled out the window "hey hooker, want a ride?" I guess there's some professional courtesy between the drivers and the girls (recall that it's legal in Nevada), we didn't ask. He did ask us before he stopped if we cared if he picked her up, and we didn't, so whatever. She was mildly interesting -- and was complaining that it was a slow night. Anyway, we got dropped at the Luxor where we headed to the lounge for the last set of the night.

The lounge band was called "Steppin' Stonz" (oooh, kooky alterna-spelling), and played what would have been reasonably enjoyable R&B except that the speakers were horribly overdriven to the point where hearing the music was just painful. So, we went to play slots for a while. Three free drinks later Susie was up a little bit (she was playing nickel slots) and Laura was just about even (she was playing dollar-bet video blackjack). At this point it was nearly 3am, and so we decided to quit while we were inebriated and ahead. Woo, Vegas baby!!

Dam it All! (Sunday Daytime)

It wasn't actually too difficult to get up in time to meet our pick-up from Xpress Rent-A-Car. They brought a mini-van around for us and took us to their rental location on the Strip. There we got our banana-yellow Ford Mustang convertible. It was in decent driving condition, but was scratched all to hell -- it had so many stone chips on the front that I wondered if someone took it off-roading. The people there were really nice, and they also rent out exotics like BMWs and Dodge Vipers.

We hopped in the Mustang and drove down Flamingo Road to Blueberry Hill, where we stopped in for some decent chicken fried steak and coffee. From there, we headed to Hoover Dam, about 30 miles or so from Las Vegas. The dam was big! The tour was interesting! Do not do this in the summer unless you are prepared to bake in the Nevada/Arizona heat! We drove over the dam, took some pictures, and then drove back to the convenient visitor's center parking garage ($7). We took the Hoover Dam Discovery Tour ($11), which started with a brief movie, took us by the Nevada-side turbines, and ended with a presentation of a diorama of the Colorado River watershed. Hoover Dam is a stunning engineering achievement that has to be seen to be appreciated. The most amazing thing was the beautiful stone terrazzo floor in the visitor's balcony to the turbine room. Since it was laid in the 1930's, over 40 million visitors have walked over it, and it still looks amazing.


On the way back from the dam we stopped at the Ethel M. chocolate factory. The factory tour was open, but the factory wasn't actually in operation (it was Sunday), so the whole thing was a huge let-down. They gave us some free samples, but the sad truth is that they were about as good as Russell-Stover chocolates, and therefore not even worth buying. What was worse was that they were more expensive than San Francisco's beloved See's Candies, so we basically gave the store a pass and visited the adjoining cactus garden. The garden was reasonably interesting, and included an industrial water reclamation plant that processes waste water from the candy factory and uses it for irrigation.

After the less-than-satisfying trip to Ethel M. (the "M" is for "Mars," as in "M & M / Mars"), we decided to cruise the Strip in our cool wheels. This was ultimately a less-than-satisfying adventure because of the incredibly bad traffic. See, the intersection of the Strip (Las Vegas Boulevard) and Flamingo Road is a pedestrian nightmare. A zillion people are crossing the road, and unlike in the North Strip between the MGM Grand and Mandalay Bay, there are no pedestrian overcrossings. So, all the people wander through the ground-level crosswalks, making it nearly impossible to turn right. On top of that, the extreme right lane actually disappears before the corner, causing traffic to have to merge one lane to the left. So, the right turn traffic backs up forever -- over a mile -- and it took us about half an hour to drive what would have been a 10 minute walk. We eventually got back to the car rental place, and made it back to the Luxor in time to get ready for our Sunday night adventure.

Grand Ole' Cirque (Saturday Night)

Vegas. Saturday night. How about dinner and a show? How about Iron Chef Wolfgang Puck and Cirque du Soleil? Susie and I hopped a cab to the MGM Grand..and waited in horrifyingly bad Strip traffic forever. I think it cost us over 10 bucks to go three "Vegas" blocks. I say "Vegas" blocks because they're a lot longer than regular blocks. Our first stop was the Wolfgang Puck Bar & Grill, which looked promising what with its Prickly Pear Mojitos and nerdy-cute bartenders. Dinner was a selection of small plates: truffled potato chips with Maytag blue chese, grilled sirloin skewers, beef barley soup, and yummy crab cakes. Dinner was nice, but not roll-your-eyes-back-in-your-head nice. Basically, if you're at the MGM Grand and want food and don't want their food court, go to Wolfgang Puck's. Otherwise...try Joel Roubechon's newest place, The Mansion.

Our real purpose in going to the MGM Grand was to see Ka', one of many Cirque du Soleil shows in town. To describe it is to rob it of its incredible impact. Just go see it. Trust us. The New York Times said that it was the most incredible achievement ever in Western Theater. Imagine an opera, but with acrobats rather than singers. Throw in some wushu artists, clowns, and a stage that rotates and flips itself to vertical, and you'll have the barest inkling of what this show is all about. Awesome cosumes? Check. Crazy pre-show where performers attach themselves to cables and fly around in the air above the audience? Check. Bursts of flame? Oh yeah check. Do not miss this show or else you will have deprived yourself of an opportunity to sit slack-jawed going "oh my freakin' god" for an hour and a half. Plus they sell alcoholic peach liquor slurpees. It's a good time.

Somewhere between Wolfgang Puck's and Ka', we stopped at 32 Degrees. They feature frozen drink drinks (i.e., with booze), but we settled for the $2 jello shots, in the classic flavors of red, orange, green, and yellow.

Post-Ka', we took a series of moving walkways back to our base camp at the Luxor. This wended us through several casinos: New York New York (cool! ) and Excalibur (a little on the dodgy side).

Earlier, while on the plane from SFO to Las Vegas, we got the idea to rent a convertible and drive to Hoover Dam. So, we went to bed early Saturday night (i.e., at 1:00am) so that we could pick up our Mustang convertible on Sunday at 9:00am.

Pack Your Bags Chester, We're Goin' To Vegas!

Woo hoo! It's my birthday and I've decided to whoop it up. So, I grabbed my numero uno party posse pal, Susie, and we've headed to Vegas.









The flight out was fine, the woman next to us was already ripped because she hadn't flown since she was 11, which was 29 years ago. We had a couple of margaritas on the plane and are ready to roll.








We're in the Luxor right now -- it's ridiculous, like "Pharohs of the Caribbean" or something.

The room is all decorated with Egyptian heiroglyphs, and our outer wall is all slanty outward and has a view of the pool, a bunch of parking lots, and the mountains in the distance.





Ok, enough writing, time to party!




(Silly text by the partylicious Laura La Gassa. Crazy photos by the fabulous Susie.)